June 20, 2009

I begin this diary with summer nearly upon us. Official summer that is. In every other way it's summer through and through. It was dreadful hot today. I generally prefer the sun and warmth having experienced a glorious childhood daydream in Kuwait (1996 - 2003). But the discomfort of such stuff rings true as well whether it be a hairdryer breeze or the hot metal of a seat belt. I prefer it hot but not too hot; anything to permit me to walk in the public parks.

Ran errands with family today. Only interesting excursion was to the local bookstore; one of the huge chains of the sort I've frequented with comfort for years. I love visiting them though I rarely get anything or even read much. It's more to confirm what I know of myself and the world around me; to sort through the array of likes and dislikes that preoccupy my mind. I know instinctively what titles catch my interest and what subjects help define me. When it comes to books I'm not much for fiction. Oh, I have a few favorite works I pour over now and then and a general knowledge of many more. They seep in to light up my dreams and dazzle me at quiet moments. Mostly I read nonfiction. I have a great throbbing hunger for knowledge; to understand the various facets of the world. I am driven by this hunger to continually read and study, to learn and understand. I suppose you could call it a hobby of mine.

Watched "Now Voyager (1942)" today. Getting caught up in the beauty and enchantment of that film is a great release for me; a great feeling of ecstasy. The movie holds great significance for me not only as one of my favorite films but as one of the great reflections of myself I've found in the world at large. Like Charlotte Vale I survived the hell of mental illness to emerge a better human being. I fancy myself a hopeless romantic just like Bette Davis's character. I've always thought she was attractive in her early years though I know most have no use for her in that regard. I believe great art should not be mere diversion or mild amusement. It should move and inspire a person; it should teach them something worthwhile. There's almost nothing on our big screen TV I can stand. Watch CNN for entertainment sometimes but I know not to take state propaganda seriously. I'm an independent character well-guarded against a sea of disinformation. Sometimes I watch a official entertainment channel for an even lower form of amusement. I hate the modern entertainment industry. The sleaze, decadence and self importance of it's Marxist agitators. It's fun when "The Soup" and "Chelsea Lately" skewer them though even those two shows aren't far removed from the decay they satire and thus they too tend to annoy me. I remember watching "The Big Sleep" recently and thinking how much better I felt after viewing it. It didn't degrade my finer instincts or insult my intelligence. It brought me to a higher place.